Monday, January 30, 2012

Phases


“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche


Kenny is doing well. He is working. He is going to meetings. He is reading his poetry. 

He got acknowledged for his poem  - 



Phases of my life

This piece by poetryofaheadcase has received a Highly Commended in my Phases of Concrete Clothing competition.
Poetryofaheadcase has won a sticker set from my Concrete Apparel range.
The honesty of this piece is what struck everyone who read it. The length and the softly lilting rhymes lead from peak to valley often throughout the piece and the phases theme comes across strongly.
___
Can I tell you some secrets 
About true parts of my life
The phases I go through
Being happy
Being blue
Knowing everything too
And not having a clue where I’ve been
It all started when I was 17
I was clean
Not mean
And wanted a queen
I needed someone to lean on
A reason to stay alive
I found drugs
High five
Suddenly people appeared 
The pot cleared my mind
I feared nothing while I was drinking
And it stopped my thinking
That’s when my ship started sinking
I went to the doctors one day
He had me take a survey
With a display of situations
Do you obey
Do you betray
How do you play
Does this take your smile away
There was absolutely no moray that day
It was all grey
Not okay
And it caused dismay
There was in no way
Any allay in what he told me
I’m sorry to say
But I see an absentee key chemical in your brain
It’s why you’ve been acting insane
It’s the main cause of your pain
Why you can’t maintain a job
You try to obtain to refrain from complaining 
But can’t
Lot of people will remain inhumane to your condition
In addition
Your ambition will be in submission
An apparition if you will
That’s when my hope started to unfill
Times started getting hard
So I decided to try to kill myself
The carbon monoxide started to fill my lungs
I laid still for hours
Then I got a shrill and chill through my body
It was God’s will
Keeping me alive
God arrived and revived me
I survived
I derived and contrived a new plan
To become a happy man
Stronger than ever
Achieve anything
So I began partying more
For a year or more
I would pour out the shots
Score with women
And started to adore and explore drugs galore
Before I knew it
I didn’t know what I was doing anymore
And fell into addictions trap door
There was infliction of friction in my life
My problems were nonfiction
Affliction on my family
I didn’t know what to do
So I had my dad give me a benediction
It was good
Not bad
I was glad and not sad
I ended up going into a sober program
I started growing and showing improvements
Being sober started slowing my mind
My eyes started glowing
I began knowing myself
Life was flowing great
At the rate I was at
I didn’t hate myself
Could walk straight
Take girls on a date
Didn’t underrate myself
Then 
A change of state
I met Lady Lucifera 
I was yet to know
She’d be a threat to my life
Brunette
With a fiancee 
We abet to beget
In other words
We fucked
We had or duet
But I’ll never forget the day
She treated me a certain way
It upset me to the point
I tried suicide again
I cried
Should have died
I’d cut my wrists
Supplied my body with over 200 pills
Sat in a flood tide shower
For over an hour
The devil was beside and inside me
I was acting like Jekyll and Hyde
Upside down
Inside out
About dead
Then saved by a devout friend
I thought it was my end
Luckily I didn’t ascend to the heavens
Or descend to hell
Doctors did mend my cuts
Forever, I commend my friend
I can’t comprehend why I didn’t die
So I started to try to get high again
Fly in the sky
Put fry in my eye
Thought drugs were my ally
Would rely on them
I’d lie, cheat and steal
Drugs made me not feel
I started to deal
Concealed them in an ideal gym bag
It was a big ordeal
I thought I was the shit
Surreal
Unreal
Pulled over in my automobile
The cops did unseal the gym bag
Revealed the mushrooms and pot
A knot in my stomach 
I got caught
Not in a great spot
Brought to jail
Sat in a cell
It was hell
I got out
And I’ll tell you
All started to go well
I’d undergo a sober life once more
Being sober was a bestow
I’d grow, know and glow
Although
She walked in
Thin 
Soft skin
Breath taking grin
Our love did begin
Fast pace
It was a blast
Our love didn’t outlast a month
The last thing she did
Was brake up with me over facebook
What a rook, right
I wasn’t alright
I lost my might
And used the knife that night
What a new delight
Helped me when I was uptight
Took away my spite
Made me feel alright
The despite of others
Would make me contrite my soul
But I stayed sober a whole 7 months
A goal was to stop cutting
But I didn’t drop the knife for over a year
My dear body has over 70 scars now
How I couldn’t handle life
I wouldn’t be happy for months
Why I did it again
I don’t know
I was so lonely and low
The only solution was suicide
My body got a distribution of 150 pills
Pollution to my person
The resolution was an institution 
No restitution to my mind
I got out once more to find drugs
Ended up behind bars again
Before I went in
I drove my car 75 mph into a cement barrier
Suicide once more
I wanted to be far from this life
Only a few cuts is all
After that
My view changed
I grew
Broke through the other side
Today I construe God’s plan
Thank you for reading
This has a lot of meaning
See
Today I’m sober
Happy
Free
And don’t want to be anyone but ME!




Monday, January 9, 2012

Ryker

Ryker is Kenny's dog. He is a good dog, although a little naughty. He is big enough to get up to the countertop and eat anything that has been left out. Need I say more.

The other day Lily had come home not feeling well. We were sitting watching t.v. when I noticed Ryker was having a full blown seizure. His whole body was in convulsions. He couldn't bark or even whimper. He couldn't walk or stand. He had a blank stare. I felt so bad for him.

I loaded Ryker and Lily in the car and headed to the vet. He was fine by the time we got there. The doctor thinks it might be the onset of Epilepsy. They aren't too concerned we just need to watch and record for more seizures. If they get worse we will put him on medicine. We have not seen any more since then.





He has a band-aid on after getting his blood drawn.

Some fun news. Kenny took 5th place in a Tumblr poetry contest. I will hopefully post it tomorrow.

Kenny is doing well.

We are at peace right now.

It is nice.