Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A Punch in the Gut

Christmas went well! His job is going well! Over 60 days clean and sober! I'm thinking all is merry and bright.

Then today punched me in the gut and I was right back to reality. It wasn't  something he did though, which is always nice.

He has random court ordered drug testing days. He has to call a number every day and if it says get drug tested then he had darn well better get drug tested. Today he had to get tested. I told him I would take him since there is still a problem with the payment process and the whole insurance mess. I wanted to ask certain questions that I knew Kenny would never get all the answers to. He wouldn't remember the answers anyway.

So we (Kenny, myself, and Lily) walk into the office. Kenny says he's there for a drug test, signs a paper and walks away. He didn't ask one question about payment, not one.

So I step up to the window. I start rambling off a bunch of questions and the guy looks right at me and says "kids can't be in here" I look at Lily who is right beside me. "we have registered sex offenders in here"

What was I thinking! I wasn't! It never once dawned on me! I then scanned the room to see who was looking at my daughter. What were they thinking!?!

I felt sick. I just wanted her out of there. I dont' want to have to do this. I don't want this kind of atmosphere to be our reality. 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Merry Christmas

That's what I am hoping for anyway.

Kenny has been doing really well. He got a job! He's gone to a few fun activities with the single members of our church, i.e., Christmas party, baking cookies, nothing to much for him to handle. And, he continues to go to AA meetings.

Today he is down though. He is angry. The system is so messed up. They don't know what they are doing with Kenny yet, but they want him to check in, see therapists, and get random UAs. Problem is his probation officer is never there at the assigned appointment time. Our insurance won't pay for court ordered UAs or their therapists. Kenny was told that he would have to pay for his own UAs since insurance wouldn't pay for them. I told him I wouldn't pay for them. He is angry.

He had a friend stand him up this afternoon. Not good! Not good at all. I wish they understood Kenny better and would realize how hard it is on him when they don't follow through with what they say.

So I am hoping for a Merry Christmas but in the back of my mind I am waiting for an explosion.

I hope you and yours have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, or just a really nice relaxing December.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


Kenny got out of jail on Monday. After 6 weeks of sitting in there waiting to get into an inpatient program called CORE the court decided that Kenny was not "bad enough" for it. So they ordered him into an intensive day treatment program. But, after I told them our insurance would not pay for it and either would I they were once again stumped as to what to do with him.
He got a job offer where the employer is going to make a job for Kenny at his car dealership (not our family member's dealership). He will start him out cleaning the shop, move him to lube, oil, and filter when Kenny's ready and then send him to mechanic school.
Well...the court won't let Kenny take that job until they can decide what to do with him. I feel like we are on a wheel in a very small hamster's cage and we keep running in the same little confined space never getting anywhere!
He has been doing very well since he got out. Going to meetings and doing things around the house. Not using.
Today we took him with us to feed the ducks. He usually doesn't go on these kinds of outings with us. I am so glad he decided to go today. He had fun. He smiled. He laughed. It was good.

The sound of the ducks is almost overwhelming.