Monday, January 10, 2011

Your Higher Power

After reading Tweak and Beautiful Boy I started thinking about who they were praying to? They both state that they are Atheist but when times got completely and totally out of control they prayed to God. What God? Or was it a God? Was it a thought or image instead?

As an infant I was baptised Catholic, but we never went to church that I remember. After my parents divorced I went to the Unitarian Church a few times with my mom, but I was basically tagging along. In high school my boyfriend and family were practicing Catholics so I started going to church with them and received 1st Communion during that time. During this time I was going through the motions but there was no spiritual, uplifting feelings or connection. Those came when I joined the LDS (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) Church. I feel whole in this church. I know this is the true church for me.

All my children were raised and baptised in the LDS Church, but by 18 all my boys were given the freedom to worship or not worship as they wished. I was no longer willing to let their sleeping in Sacrament distract me from having my cup refilled. Selfish I know.

So back to my thoughts and questions. In AA's 12-step program you are suppose to hand yourself over to a "God, as we understood him". What if you don't have a knowledge or understanding of a higher power such as; God, Allah, Jehovah, all the Hindu Gods, and so many other Gods, then who are you praying to? And when you get the help you are asking for after you pray, then go back to not believing, then pray again when you are back down are you just pawning your problems off so you don't have to be accountable?

I don't know who Kenny prays to. I am wondering if he has a clear picture or understanding of who his God or Higher Power is. If he doesn't have that knowledge will that jeopardize his progress?

I mean think about it; I don't know if any of Kenny's AA buddies have a clear understanding of who their God is. I wonder if they are making up an image in their mind. Is it someone/something who will always bend to the addicts way of thinking? When things don't go the way of the addict will they then blame their God that they only talk to when they want something?

I think maybe I will talk to Kenny about his God or Higher Power. I think having a God or Higher Power means putting some work into it so you have a knowledge of what it really means to you.


  1. What an interesting question! I too wonder about the nature of this "God" that an atheist would pray to.

    As for me, I do recognize a higher power than myself - it's Nature. Not that Nature tells me what to do but that it the sum total of reality and I am subject to its laws. In this sense, it is a "higher power" but not a god.

    I think some people use their gods for accountability and others use them to get out of accountability. Maybe sometimes people do both. No one ever said we were a rational species.

    But I think what's important here is that you have chosen for yourself and yet allowed your children to be free to make their own decisions. Your love is not conditional based on their agreement with your religious beliefs. That is a wonderful thing because, based on this, you can talk to your son about it without him having to feel threatened or coerced. Freedom opens the doors for relationship - it doesn't shut them.

    Here's a chance for more communication and a better understanding of each other. You go, girl!

  2. yano what- it is actually really good for me to read your blog- it makes me understand a little bit more what my parents are going through and it helps me .... be a little more at peace..i've subscribed!



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