Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I Feel Like Screaming But I Can't Breath!

I'm Numb.

Jeff, my hubby and Kenny's dad, was diagnosed with prostrate cancer yesterday. I keep getting told that if you get cancer, prostrate cancer is the one to get. Whoop de damn do! And of course Jeff's cancer is more advanced, because we don't do things halfassed around here.
So not only do I get to worry about my hubby and getting him through this; I get to worry about Kenny and how he is going to react. Last night after hearing the news he just left. I get to worry about my other children as well because they are all reacting differently.
We don't know the treatment yet. They will be taking the prostrate out. He gets a scan on Monday to see if it has traveled anywhere else (the biopsies indicate that it is outside his prostrate.)
Let me give you a run down of my life in tragedies.
2004 - I was in a car accident
Feb 2005 - my brother in law Dale (my sister Julie's hubby) died of Hodgkin's cancer
Nov 2005 - my sister Angie passed away after years of battling malignant melanoma
Oct 2008 - Kenny attempted suicide
Jan 2009 - youngest son broke his back
Mar 2009 - oldest son was crushed by a basketball standard that came out of a wall sheetrock and 2x4's included
May 2009 - Lily and I were in a car accident
Oct 2009 - Kenny was in a car accident
Nov 2010 - my sister Julie (Dale's wife) was diagnosed with the same cancer he died from.
Is this not enough? I know I am strong I have proved it to myself time and time again.
People marvel that we can still smile and laugh. What else should I do? Wallowing in misery isn't going to change things. But darn I would like a break.

That's today.

Tomorrow I will understand that I can handle this when others couldn't so why not us. Other's have suffered just as much if not more so why not us. Tomorrow I will remember that I am never given more than I can handle and that this too will make my family closer and stronger so why not us.

Today I still want to scream but I can't breath.


  1. Oh, dear. So sorry for Jeff, and you, and the rest of the family. It's been one thing after the other for the lot of you, I can see.

    Here's hoping the cancer has not metastasized. That would be ugly.

    Blessings and best wishes.

  2. I'm so sorry to hear the news. One of the things that is hardest for me to accept is that life is not kinder to the people who make it their business to be kind. Sometimes it feels like those are the people who get hit the hardest.

    If I had the power to make all this go away for you, I would do it right now. Since I don't, I just send you my love and my best wishes for strength and a quick recovery.

  3. I'm sending blessings, best wishes and a lot of Love.

  4. wow...suz, that's some stuff! but all in all life is just like that, that's what makes Heaven so awesome.

    Prostate Cancer is one of the all time remission cancers...surround him with love and hope and enjoy the good times to come.

    Sending lots of love your way

    e & molly kate


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