Friday, December 24, 2010

Selfishness

Is selfishness a symptom of mental illness?
Is this something I should learn to live with regarding Kenny or is it just him being a 21 year old kid?
I don't like being manipulated and I really don't like being stepped over once I have said no to go ask dad.

It hurts. It makes me angry and cranky.

He labeled himself as the "black sheep" in one of his poems. Notice I said "he labeled". He is the one that does what he does.

He is my son. Always will be, but I am no longer willing or wanting to put up with every whim he has.

I don't think I should have too.

I am angry that he has chosen himself over family at Christmas. I know that if  "I forced him" to join us he would more than likely make things miserable, so I will let him go.

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live."
~ Oscar Wilde

4 comments:

  1. Being bipolar sucks. There have been periods in my life where I am in survival mode. This means that I would only be able to think of myself because if I tried to take care of or worry about other people I would lose it. Everyone's survival mode is different. Mine was sleep. I remember a thanksgiving where I sat down at the table and immediately needed to sleep. I ate some food and then disappeared and slept the rest of the day and night. Survivial mode.

    Holidays are hard!!!! They are supposed to be happy so there is all this pressure to be happy and loving and enjoy being with your family when in all reality you feel like crap and just want to be alone. The pressure of the holidays on bipolar people can make them do crazy things. It is not because they are selfish. They are trying to avoid a stressful situation in which they could lose control and ruin everyone's holiday even more. So in all actuality it may be the exact opposite of what you are thinking.... he may be avoiding or not doing what you want because he doesn't want to make Christmas any more difficult than it already is.

    That is how I handle the holidays or big family events anyway. They are really hard for bipolar people to be in that situation. You may not understand it but the holidays can be the worst time of the year for people with mental illness. So I would say let it go and just roll with the punches and don't expect too much from him. And you may be surprised how his behavior will change and what will happen.

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  2. Megan thank you so much! This is why I blog! I get answers. I get other peoples views and opinions. Thanks again!

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  3. You're welcome. I get the sense you are kind of frantic with everything that has happened. Which is perfectly normal. Especially around the holidays. It just takes time. I was diagnosed 10 years ago and am starting to become more stable. It is a long journey.... and I took it by myself. No one knew what to do.... and I wish I would have had people tell me their experiences so I would know better what to do. So I am always willing to talk about it.

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  4. Being bi polar sucks! I have 2 people in my life that are bipolar, so I know how hard it is from a moms point of view, and I know how a son views it in his mother b/c my MIL is bipolar.

    Its ok to be angry,sad,and just down righ ticked off at them. Just because they have an illness dosnt give them the right to walk all over you.

    I get that sometimes they just need to be alone and I have found for me its easier to give them what they want then to fight an endless battle b/c even if you win the battle you lost the war. They will make you miserable for giving in to what you wanted.

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