Saturday, December 11, 2010

I Find Myself Waiting

Kenny has been doing so well lately. I love it. But I find myself waiting, wondering, and worrying when things will go wrong.

Is that bad or is it normal?

Since his suicide attempt, my youngest son breaking his back, my oldest son being crushed by a basketball standard, and Lily and I being in a car accident all within 7 months of each other I try harder than ever to have family time. We always wonder if Kenny will be willing to be with us; and if he is with us if he will act decent. For several months things have been so good and I cherish these times.

But I still wait.

I feel bad for waiting.

I hope one day I won't wait.

He is working with his dad today earning extra money to pay us back some of the money he owes us. He got up without so much as a grumble. I know he would rather be snowboarding, but he chose to do the responsible thing.

Last week we took the whole family to This Is The Place Heritage Park Candlelight Christmas. I wasn't sure how the older kids would react to it, but they enjoyed themselves. We danced the Virginia Reel at the school house. Kenny and Lily were partners. They had so much fun being silly and dancing crazy. Again, I cherish these times.
I am grateful for my family.

1 comment:

  1. Your feelings are so wonderfully normal. You and I both know that the curse of bipolar disorder is that it will always come back around in some shape or form. The difference is that your family is learning to cope. Kenny is learning - look at the steps he is taking today to make amends and take responsibility.

    The dark days will come again but they don't have to be as dark as before. You have the light of hope, love, and strength to guide you. When times are tough, remember these words and these pictures. Remind Kenny that he is loved and he can pull through.


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