Thursday, December 30, 2010

5 MONTHS

Yesterday Kenny was 5 months clean and sober. I'm really proud of him!

So why is there a but...

I worry. I fear. I question. I've done this before.

Even though he's clean and sober his moods are still up and down. It's soooo hard sometimes, and sometimes it is great.

I'm jealous that his friends get his thanks for helping him out but his parents don't.

I pray with every fiber of my being that he continues forward on his right life path.

3 comments:

  1. 5 months is wonderful - especially for someone with bipolar! Staying sober requires a great commitment from anybody but those of us with mood disorders have an even tougher time (as I'm sure you know). I was very fortunate that I never chose to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs but I can certainly understand the temptation.

    Do you think he does not consider your help valuable or is there some barrier that prevents him from saying so? Does he just assume that you already know how important you are? Family is easily taken for granted until it's gone.

    I think for all of us who have loved ones struggling with addiction, life will always be full of some amount of doubt and fear. I expect we will all tip-toe from time to time fearing that we might send our loved one over the edge. But ultimately we must trust them and let them be responsible as you are doing now. It's pins and needles somedays but with each clean day that passes, it gets easier.

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  2. One of the best ways to become at peace with stressors and situations in life is to learn to let go and stop trying to control them. Once we relinquish the desire for control and trust in a higher power life is a whole lot more managable. I say that as the bipolar one. Once I got past the phase that I had to be in control of myself a burden was lifted. Because the disorder by nature is a lack of control. The more I fought it and dwelt on those doubts and fears the worse things would get. So you let it all go and say I will deal with whatever comes to the best of my ability and that will be enough because that is the only thing I can do. You place your faith in a higher power and just that point of view will make things better. They aren't going to go away, but it becomes more managable.

    I have been learning a lot about codependency as a result of family dysfunction regarding mental illness. I never considered myself codependent until my therapist sent me home with a book and it has changed my view of the world and how relationships should be. I think it would benefit you in your family because everyone has codependency to a degree....for families impacted by mental illness it becomes severe and most people do not understand what codependency is or even recognize its destructive patterns and cycles.

    If you would like I can tell you what I have learned and how the codependency has influenced my family and how we are finding healing in our situation or you can read the book. It is called Love is a Choice. It is a workbook. You can get it on amazon or at Barnes and Noble.

    I am no longer publicly blogging or I would do a post about it but I will gladly email you if you are interested. It is really a life changer once you understand the concept. I wish I would have learned about it a long time ago. Not just for myself but my family.

    So you can email me if you would like.

    megandeweyclark@gmail.com

    if you don't feel comfortable I will not take offense

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  3. Wow! Now there is a definition of "success"! More like "wholeness," or "healing," or "salvation" (those words all come from the same Latin root).

    Well done, Mom!

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I really enjoy comments and hearing from new people but if you are here to complain or challenge my personal thoughts and feelings go elsewhere. How is that for blunt!