Friday, October 22, 2010

My Side of Suicide

We knew a few weeks before the actual event that Kenny was not well. His older brother and I were driving in a car talking about how we were scared. We were both crying knowing that there was nothing we could do. I was also angry because I didn't know if Kenny knew that life would go on without him.
Then Jeff got the call.
We were downstairs, trying to go somewhere with Lily. I knew by the tone something was wrong. Then I heard the words cut his wrists. I think I screamed. I remember Lily crying. No one was home to take care of Lily. I started calling the boys, no answer. I called Henry's girlfriend, she answered. I didn't care where she was or what she was doing she was to get over to our house right away. Jeff told me to go ahead of him. He would wait for Brynn.
My mind was numb. I was trying not to speed, not to panic, not to completely lose it. I called my mom. She didn't answer. I left a message, I wish I hadn't. The first word was "MMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" a gut wrenching wail. She told me later when she listened to the voicemail and heard that first word she hung up the phone.
I got to the hospital. THEY MADE ME WAIT! When I got to his room he was out of it. His left wrist had been loosely bandaged. His friend that brought him to the hospital told me what happened. It was all because of a girl.
It seemed liked the doctors and nurses were moving at slow speed. This was my son! He was dying! They were trying to figure out what Kenny has taken. I tried to ask him. That's when I realized how bad he really was. He was incoherent. He was drooling. His eyes weren't focusing. I started listing his meds. He nodded when I got to the one he took. What we didn't know was that he had taken a lethal dose of Tylenol. He had taken at least a third of a bottle containing 500 pills. What we also didn't know was that the amount he had taken could cause liver failure very quickly. As soon as the blood work came back and the doctors saw that they started giving him IVs full of an antidote. It was already to late to try charcoal.
The doctor then started to work on his wrist. I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Kenny had not only gone across his wrist, but up his wrist. The doctor said he was serious. I found out going up the wrist is worse.
I didn't want to learn those things about Tylenol and how to cut a wrist, but I did. I didn't want to call my parents, friends, and Kenny's doctors to tell them what my son had done. I didn't want people telling me I should go home and rest. There was no way in hell I was leaving my son.
That was two years ago. Kenny still struggles. I still worry. I don't like to look at his wrist. The other day I got a glimpse of it. The scars are fading. Life goes on.

2 comments:

  1. Wow! Suzie, thank you for sharing your experience. I found you through a comment you left on my son Jaron's blog. It is so heart and gut wrenching to think that a child that you gave birth to, gave life to, wants to end that life. It is almost like an insult to us as mothers. But I was touched by your story. I know your pain and your fears. I have not blogged directly about Jaron's suicide attempt, but have mentioned it on both of my blogs indirectly. Maybe someday I will be able to open up and share it with the world. I'm just not ready yet. Your bravery inspires me. Sincerely, Linda B

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  2. Thank you for sharing this in detail. I am going to reread it several times and fix it in my memory. My sincere hope is that in times when I feel suicidal, I will remember this post and consider the awful injury I'd be doing to those who love me.

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