Sunday, October 10, 2010

Loving My Son

Will anyone ever love my son?

A lot of his pain comes from girls. He smothers them with love. He picks the ones that need saving. I'm sure he does that so he doesn't have to focus on himself. He would be a good pick. He works hard, he's very good looking, he's funny, he's spiritual, he's smart, he's good with kids (well at least Lily, most of the time)he loves his family. We have treated any girl he brings home with respect and kindness. Although there was one that we were very happy to see gone!

His other two brothers have been in long term relationships. His oldest sister is married. His father and I have been married 25 plus years. Lily even has a boyfriend. I want him to find someone that will stay with him for a long period of time.

I contacted one old girlfriend (before they were committed) asking her if she was prepared to get involved with Kenny. I told her what his history was. I told her he would treat her like a queen, but he would want to help with everything. Of course she ignored me. They dated for a while and then she left him. He went downhill.

Is there a girl out there for him? One that will put up with his mood swings, his really really funny sense of humor and his lower than low depressions. Does he look at AA or NAMI? Does he find someone with a history of drug abuse or mental illness that will understand where he is coming from? Or, does he find someone who has never done drugs and is somewhat normal in her thinking so she doesn't have the possibility of slipping and bringing him down?

I want my son to have the experience of loving a person who will laugh with him until tears run down his cheeks and someone who will think he is still handsome and desirable when he thinks he is old and fat.

We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love.
Mother Teresa


A good catch

3 comments:

  1. Suzie,

    Speaking as someone who is in a relationship with a man with schizoaffective, I can absolutely say with certainty that your son WILL find someone to commit to.

    Since I am the "healthy" one in the relationship, I think I may be able to offer some perspective from a romantic "care-taker" standpoint.

    I think he needs to find someone who is sober. It would definitely be hard to be available and ready for the unexpected that comes along with this illness otherwise. I also think that if I suffered from depression or another MI it would be extremely hard. At least in our situation, it's good that I am able to step in where I'm needed... this would be a struggle for two MI people in a relationship.

    My fiance also has a drug history. The key is that I knew everything from day 1. He was always very honest about what he's going through with the MI and his history. I've always felt like I can handle what's going on because I've always known what I'm getting into. Sine it can get very hard, knowing that you chose to be here helps. (I don't mean for this to sound as harsh as it probably does)

    That being said, it's SO SO SO important that the MI doesn't rule the relationship. My fiance and I fell in love at school. We worked at the same place on campus and has MANY interests in common. His MI is just a part of our life- it's not everything.

    So I guess my advice would be for your son to figure out what his interests are and get involved in them. Join groups, socialize in settings where people are sharing interests. When he finds a nice girl, he needs to be 100% honest. He'll find someone. There are plenty of people out there who understand and can look past this.

    Like I always tell Steve, he HAS this.. but he ISN'T this. :)

    -Sarah

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  2. I believe there is someone out there for him - someone who will take the time to learn all about him and his problems. Someone who will be nurturing and supportive yet still let him be a responsible adult.

    It took me a very long time to find such a person but finding him has made a lot of difference in my life. Where my first husband raged against me and called me names and my poor second husband just stared at me uncomprehendingly, my partner now will hold me, look me straight in the eye and say, "I'm listening. Tell me what you need."

    Never give up hope.

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I really enjoy comments and hearing from new people but if you are here to complain or challenge my personal thoughts and feelings go elsewhere. How is that for blunt!