Saturday, October 16, 2010

I'm Sick of It!

NOT a good day today and it's only 10:30 in the morning!

I am so tired of bouncing all over the emotion ball with Kenny. Saturday mornings are for Ryker's dog training classes. I asked Kenny when we signed up and I paid $125.00, if 9:00 on Saturday mornings would work for him. Oh yes! Are you Sure? I'm sure!

Well it didn't work this morning!

We got to class, but I knew Kenny was not there. He had zoned out. So here I am trying to keep a 60 pound puppy under control and get a zoned out Kenny to participate in class. Kenny finally handed me Ryker's lease and walked out. He didn't just walk out though he also had to throw his puppy training bag in the parking lot! Yeah that's real classy.

I'm sick of him not caring about my feelings. He could care less if he embarrasses me in front of others. I really don't know how much of that he can control and how much is attention/control over me. So, I get to just let it go! Don't stir him up to really get him going and bash holes in walls.

Hubby is not a real help either! A$$hole! His advice. "Get rid of him!" My response "WHO KENNY!" I'm not getting rid of the dog now. I've invested to much and I'm attached to the damn dog.

It's going to be a crappy day today.


  1. I'm sorry. :(

    As incredibly impossible as it is, try not to let his mood or behavior ruin your day. Hope tomorrow's better!

  2. I'm gonna share something with you, as a mom of a mentally ill child, as a person who has a mentally ill MIL, and as a person who is psychology student. Please take it for what it is and I really dont mean to say anything to further upset you becasue beleive me I KNOW how upsetting it is.
    At some point Kenny HAS to take responsability. Responsability for himself, his actions, and his illness. He cant continually use his illness as an excuse to get away with some of the things that he does. If hes having a bad day he cant just take it out on you or others around him. As long as you let him do it, just because its easier than dealing with the "fit" hes gonna throw, he will continue to do so. Would you let your other children treat you like that?
    Beleive me I KNOW how hard it is, there has been MANY times I will just give into my son just because its easier, and yes, its easy for me to sit here and say these things than it is to actually do them! LOL But I its something I had to learn too. We love them so much, we just want to see them happy and if it means we take the blame for something we didnt do, or if they embearess us we just forget it and go on but its not really teaching them anything.

  3. I know there is a wide spectrum and different levels of severity with bipolar. Honestly, I'm not sure EXACTLY where I fall. I wasn't diagnosed as bp until a few years ago. I lean more towards depression and my mania isn't real dramatic like many can be. Before, they thought it was just anxiety and depression. As we looked into it deeper, as the meds weren't really doing ANYTHING for me and things were getting progressively worse, and we looked at the history more... Well, we now KNOW what it is, I can be educated about it, I can take my meds (which help to balance... I have to try to make up the difference...), I try to pay attention to what my triggers are so they can be avoided, and I have to make a conscious effort to try to not inflict pain on the ones I love and others around me. I find myself swearing and screaming in my MIND... but I DO refrain from doing it for REAL... When I am overwhelmed and feel like I may blow or have a meltdown, I remove myself from the presence of others ASAP... I also find distracting myself with dumb things that I call "mind numbing" to get my mind off of all the negative directions it runs can also be helpful. KNOWING and learning also helps me recognize when me perspective may be out of whack and I'm over reacting... thus i try to do damage control and harness my actions. In this way, I think it's good to KNOW what your dragon is... so you can get the right tools to FIGHT it. I know that dealing with a person with bipolar can be quite a challenge. I'm lucky my husband is a patient man. ;p I hope Kenny will want to learn more about his situation so his meds can be the most effective and he can avoid his triggers... and consciously strive to minimize the negative. It takes time and will always be quite a roller coaster ride. Maybe in time it won't be quite AS bumpy, though. (((HUGS))) Hang in there.


I really enjoy comments and hearing from new people but if you are here to complain or challenge my personal thoughts and feelings go elsewhere. How is that for blunt!